Updated: Aug 1, 2018
10 Weeks Out
After a great weekend with friends, family, training and meal prep, I was ready and prepared for week 2 of 12 to begin. BUT who knew that you could go from one extreme to the other? Actually, by now I should know that this is very true and by now you’d think I would know how to recognise these triggers and feelings. .
"Competition or no competition, life throws us challenges everyday. It’s up to us how we deal with these challenges: Get up, brush it off, move forward and learn from the experience."
As Monday evening approached, I found myself home alone (which should have been my first warning sign). A similar situation I would find myself in when my eating disorder was at its peak. If you’re not familiar with eating disorders, the smallest thing can set us off… anything from a comment someone has made, eating something that makes us feel ‘guilty’ or even as simple as being bored. Old habits die-hard and like any situation, if we don’t have the right tools in place, all the hard work done goes out the window. This is exactly what happened Monday night....
One extra meal turned into a few extra meals and before I knew it I was in the bathroom throwing it all back up. Too much info? Too bad, that’s the reality of my life and my relationship with food. With the guilt of Monday night still in my thoughts, I tell myself, Tuesday is a new day, there is nothing I can do about what’s happened, except talk about it, learn from it, and move on.
I continue my regular training schedule, eating schedule, and continue to focus on why I am doing this challenge in the first place. Competition or no competition, life throws us challenges everyday. It’s up to us how we deal with these challenges: Get up, brush it off, move forward and learn from the experience.
As the week continued, I decided to take it one day at a time, not look back and not look forward (too far). The most difficult part of this challenge is trusting the process and reminding myself that a little bit of work each day is helping and contributing to the end result. This is a daily battle with myself and has included frequent messages to my trainer who assures me I am on track (thanks Steve). This process has also shown me the importance of having a trainer/mentor. Someone I can be accountable to, share my ups and down with and someone who understands and can offer assurance, advice and support.
I was lucky enough to celebrate my Birthday on Sunday with my very supportive partner and family. Even though they may not understand why I want to do this physique competition, they continue to support me all the same. My training program for Sundays include a 60 minute walk so….. I arranged a family walk and bribed them with coffee at the completion of the hour. We had a great time and while everyone enjoyed their bacon and eggs for breakfast, I stuck to the plan and enjoyed my oats, protein and almonds accompanied with my long black and bottle of water. I even donated my birthday cupcake to my nephew who had been eyeing it up since it arrived.
It’s Monday already and the beginning of week 3. My routine is set with a plan in place and I’m feeling much more organised and in control. Control is what an eating disorder is all about, right? But I mean control as in; I am aware of my triggers, I know where I can go to for support and its only 9 more weeks, right?
'Kicking my disorder one rep at a time'
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